


Shame

by Lyledebeast



Series: Plans [11]
Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Apologies, Break Up, F/M, Pre-Relationship, apology refusals, barely there allan cameo, next time buddy next time!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 00:50:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyledebeast/pseuds/Lyledebeast
Summary: Marian yells at Robin and Guy.  They respond very differently.





	Shame

**Author's Note:**

> I finished rewatching season 2 weeks ago, and that damned "tie Marian up in the barn" scene was STILL bothering me. So I had to write this to add to the veritable pile of "Get Carter" fix it fics. God, there's so much to fix!
> 
> I had also been wanting to write a bit of backstory for my Plans series. This one is set the earliest chronologically, so it is not necessary to have read the others first.

Marian found herself growing angrier and angrier as she walked, her nails digging into the palms of her clinched fists, swearing at roots as she tripped over them.  But she supposed it was a good thing that she had such a long walk back to the castle.  She had a lot to think about, and hopefully it would give her time to calm down.

Robin’s defense of what we had done was more infuriating than the offense itself.  She had lost her head for a minute, it was true. Rushing into battle, and making the others follow, had been a stupid decision.  But so was Robin turning his back on people who were being killed and stripping her of her means to protect them, and herself, by tying her up in the barn.

“If anyone saw you, you could never go back to the castle,” said the man who had been urging her to leave the castle for months.  She had tried to let it go, but it was impossible.

“Aren’t you going to apologize? You could have gotten me killed!” she had said later.

“I’m thinking you would have gotten yourself killed, without my help.”

It wasn’t the first time he had forgotten her skill as a fighter.  It probably wasn’t the tenth either, but it was still maddening.

If someone had caught him, distracted, while he was tying her up, how easy would it have been to kill them both? Or did Robin think he was invisible?

She wished she had had he presence of mind to say that to him when it mattered, but she had been overwhelmed with rage.  As soon as she questioned one justification, he had another ready.  All she had wanted was for him to recognize what could have happened, even though it mercifully had not. To acknowledge that he, too, was often reckless.  And selfish.  And heedless of the consequences for others.  But no.  Sins weren’t quite so cardinal when they were committed by him, were they?

But perhaps she had said what really mattered.

“I’m leaving, Robin.”

“Good,” he said, relief visible behind his smug expression.  “You go and cool off, and come back when you’re ready to be reasonable.”

“No, I mean I’m leaving this forest.  I am going back to the castle.”

“What? What do you mean you’re going back? You can’t!”

“Why, because someone will recognize me?”

Robin rolled his eyes.  “Is that what this is about? You’re still angry with me about that?”

Marian’s eyes widened and her nostrils flared.  “Yes, what you did this afternoon, what you refused to apologize for? That is what this is about.”

He sighed, brushing a hand over his hair in aggravation.  “Listen, Marian.  I did what I had to do.  I’ll apologize if you want . . .”

“Stop,” she said.  She suddenly felt so tired that she had to close her eyes for a moment.  When she opened them, he was still watching her, arms folded impatiently.

“I don’t want you to apologize to me just because I want it, just to make me shut up.”

“Marian, you can’t just do as you please with no consequences!” he blurted out.

At first, she could only stare at him.  Then she turned and went to her bunk and began gathering the rest of her clothes.  As she rolled them up, she stood to face him again, finding his eyes had widened in realization.

“Do you actually feel any regret for what you did this afternoon?” It was a struggle to keep her voice from shaking.

“Marian, I have to think of everyone else in the gang, not just . . .”

“I’m not talking about the rest of the gang.  Do you regret . . .”

He cut her off with a sigh of exasperation.  Then he gave a resigned shrug.

“I regret that you . . .”

She pressed her lips together in a thin line and held her hand up, silencing him.  Shoving the bundle under her arm, she gripped it hard.

“Marian, I don’t know what you want!” he cried.

She took a deep, shaky breath.  “What I want is to help people.  Robin.  That’s what I’ve wanted for . . . as long as I can remember. But if I’m not going to continue to do that alone, I want to do it with someone who will treat me like a partner.  I do not want to be treated like a liability or a child.”

Especially not by someone who hasn’t been helping these people as long as I have, she thought to herself.

She had turned towards the clearing to make to her goodbyes to the gang when Robin spoke again.

“So you return to the castle? To Gisborne?” he snapped accusingly.  “Marian, he burned your house to the ground!”

She rounded on him with a snarl.  “Do you think I don’t remember that? Of course I remember! Yes, he burned my house down.  And he did it, like you, to teach me a lesson.  But I WASN’T IN THE HOUSE, ROBIN!”

He regarded her outburst in stony silence for a while, then shrugged and shook his head.

“Well, if that’s your choice, Marian.  As you said, everything is a choice.”

* * *

She arrived at the castle in time for dinner, but she was in no mood to eat.  Even if she had been hungry, she could not bear to see the shocked faces of the other nobles, even less to answer their questions about her sudden return.  What she wanted was to just go to her room and go to sleep, but she would settle for not having to deal with . . .

“Marian!” she heard a voice call behind her, it’s usually deep tone lightened with happiness and relief.

Here he was, the last person she wanted to see: Guy.

Why did she always have to be bombarded with attention by one man who claimed to love her or the other? When would she get to have some peace?

Guy rushed towards her, stopping uncomfortable close and looking down at her, awestruck.

“Marian,” he repeated.  “You . . . you came back.”

She was too exhausted for politeness.

“Yes,” she snapped.  “Because I knew that not even the letter I sent with Allan would be enough to keep you away, would it?”

His eyes dropped and the color rose in his cheeks. “I . . . wanted to see you.  I just wanted you to . . .”

“What?” she asked coldly, impatient with his awkwardness.

He ventured a glance at her.  “To come home to me.”

She should have known that it would be like this.  Nowhere was safe for her if her choice of the forest of the castle could always only be a choice between Robin and Guy.  The place that belonged to her no longer existed.

“YOU BURNED MY HOME TO THE GROUND,” she spat, glowering up at him.

Guy hung his head and took a step away from her, turning his back with a sigh.  Marian clenched her fists with vexation again; she had spent too much time that day waiting for apologies that would never come.  She was just about to walk away when she heard him speak.

“I’m sorry, Marian.”

His voice was soft, almost breaking. She turned her head to listen.

“Every day I have regretted that.  If there were anything I could do to take it back, I would.”

“You can’t” Her voice was dull.  She was still angry, but somehow she did not feel like shouting anymore. “There’s nothing you can do . . . to give me back what I’ve lost.”

Guy turned, facing her, but still not meeting her gaze.

“Please, Marian.  Tell me what I can do for you.”

She wanted to tell him that it had all been the letter he had so hastily discarded, but something about his voice and his posture stayed her tongue.

Shame.

It was something Guy had always had so much of; it was the undercurrent of his personality. She had seen it even on that terrible day when he had coerced her into their engagement.  He had not only given her the apology she had demanded, but had extended one to her father as well.  He had apologized again for frightening her, he thought, when he arrived to tell her the news of the king’s return.  Only a few days ago, he had apologized for trying to kiss her as she clung to him for comfort just after she had discovered her father’s body.  All the times before, she had thought the reason for his apologies obvious.  He had a lot to be sorry for.

The reasons why Guy of Gisborne should feel shame were almost beyond numbering, but he did feel it.  Perhaps that was more important than she had realized.  No one was perfect all the time.  Everyone made mistakes and bad choices, and all that a person could do was admit their fault and hope for forgiveness.  That was what her father had taught her.

She had tried to apologize to him that night in his cell, the last time she was near him while he was still breathing. She hoped that, somehow, he had heard her.  She hoped that she was forgiven.

“Listen to me,” she heard herself say.

Guy looked up.

“When I tell that I want to be left alone, and that I need to think, listen to me.  Give me some space. Do not assume that you know what I need better than I do.”

He gave a slight nod.

“I understand.  I’m sorry.  I just . . . I was afraid that I would never see you again.  That I would never get to . . .”

She frowned, her brow creasing. Timidly, Guy dropped his eyes again.

“But you’re right.  What you want matters, and I will try harder to respect that.”

“Thank you,” she replied.

Marian knew that it was time to go, that staying would only ruin the moment, as so many of their moments in the past had been ruined.  But something was holding her still.

“Guy?”

He looked at her, hopeful but silent.

“I . . . I came back because I thought I could do more good here than . . . where I was. I . . . would like your help with that.”

He sighed, looking up the ceiling.

“Marian, you know that I can’t defy the sheriff.”

She pressed her lips into a stiff smile.  “I know that, Guy.  I’m not asking that of you. I only ask that you help _me_.”

His face softened as he stepped towards her, offering her his arm.

“I will do whatever I can.  And now, might I escort you to your room?”

She reached towards him, but instead of his arm she took a black gloved hand in hers.  Guy let out a gasp of surprise as she stood up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you, Guy.”

“Hey, Giz, where did you want . . . ?”

Marian was still holding Guy’s hand, lowering herself down to her heels when Allan saw her.  His eyes flashed with suspicion.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said, still staring at Marian.

He’s wondering why I’m not in the forest, Marian thought to herself.  But that was alright.  She could talk to Allan later that night.  He would see sense. Chances were that it would be the least exhausting conversation of her day.


End file.
